I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
