Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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