I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
