i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
