Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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