He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
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Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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