did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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