Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
