hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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