anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
