I just saw a hot homeless man
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
