I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
