I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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