Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh god it's open bar.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
