Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
