I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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