Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
