Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
