She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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