you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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