I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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