Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
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Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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