Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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