I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
