Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you win again, gameday.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
