I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize