From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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