Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
