The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize