Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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