..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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