I need help removing her.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
