She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
BRING THE BAGELS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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