Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
