This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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