Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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