I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
