Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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