You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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