kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh god it's open bar.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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