Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
