Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
