So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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