i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
