oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
