Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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