My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
