Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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