Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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