You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
either way he was missing a nipple.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
