You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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