So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
