dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
