i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
