Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
