Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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